365 Days of Impacts

Shopaholism, a lso known as Compulsive buying disorder.   We all know at least one person who does this.  They shop for things that they don't need, they are addicted to finding the best bargain.  They hit the sales thinking it is OK because it is not buying something at full price.    W hen your purchases shift from impulsive to compulsive, you may be grappling with a more serious condition: a shopping addiction.  This is made even worse nowadays due to how easy it is to shop online.   Here are signs that you may, in fact, be a shopaholic: You have many unopened or tagged items in your closet   You often purchase things you don’t need or didn’t plan to buy An argument or frustration sparks an urge to shop You experience a rush of excitement when buying Purchases are followed by feelings of remorse You try to conceal shopping habits You feel anxious on days you don’t shop You shop beyond your means Perhaps you max out credit ...

Once an addict, always an addict, right? This shameful statement can pidgeon hole those of us that struggle with any type of addiction. Keep in mind the risk may be extremely small of a relapse when we learn the skills of developing true trust, emotional intimacy, and interdependency with others. Nevertheless, the phrase is still a good reminder for us to always remain cautious and never be so proud or boastful that we forget what we’ve learned in recovery. Lest we return to a life of secrecy and lies likely leading to a relapse of some form. Addiction has had a huge impact on my life. From many people, many forms. We all cannot escape it. We overeat, we have eating disorders, we drink ourselves numb from the pain, we compulsively gamble because of the high we get, we shop when we don't need anymore clothes or "things". We overwork ourselves into stress, anxiety and health issues resulting in asthma, hives, or worse heart attack/stroke. We compulsively check Face...

Depression is something that most people have an awareness of. If not personally having experience with it, they have a family member that has suffered from this in some form. More than just a bout of the blues, depression isn't a weakness and you can't simply "snap out" of it. Depression is a mood disorder and people who have never experienced it likely get frustrated with those who deal with it on a regular basis. Much like breaking a bone, if you've never experienced it, you cannot relate to what it is like to have it. Even worse, it does not manifest outwardly like a rash and most of the time, people withdraw. All of a sudden you are like - 'what happened to so and so? I haven't seen them in a while'. I have many family members and friends who have had intermittent bouts with depression. Obviously my 365 impacts are highlighting just how many of my loved ones that I've lost have suffered in this way.  Depression is my next impact. I c...

Lisa McNair. Its hard for me to put into words what Lisa's untimely death did to my psyche. We all have that one death in our lives that makes us realize our mortality. Lisa was mine. Lisa went to USC with us, she was in the majority of my marketing/business classes. McNair, as we affectionately called her, was a fun loving Jersey girl that knew how to party but also had a business sense that kicked ass. She was hilarious, loved her family and USC. She was a Gamecock through and through. She also loved her some Hootie and the Blowfish. Many of the early 90s we spent going to Savannah for St. Patties day, partying in the ATL, going to Music Midtown, concerts and Bars Around town. Lisa was a part of our group when we first all got out of college and came to Atlanta. She met Bill at American Pie and they becaume a couple - we were all with her that night in the mid 90s. When we were 27, Lisa was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. We were all in disbelief. Lisa fought ...

Jewelry Lia Made for me Another piece of Jewelry Lia made me. Lia Palladino. That was her name when I came to my first day of work. She was my boss at my first job out of college. She was an art director and I was a mac artist. Lia was beautiful - she was waifish and had the most beautiful long wavy cinnamon colored hair. Lia was Italian and Swedish. Her artistic senses were off the chain. I looked up to her in so many ways. She wasn't that much older than me, but she was definitely someone that I idolized. Lia was very kind, she loved animals, she was not only a wonderful graphic artist, but she was also great at anything creative including sculpture, painting, jewelry making. At first I was intimidated by her, but her kindness made me realize that she was someone who would encourage me in so many ways to believe in myself and my abilities. What would happen next was a friendship that would last until Lia VanAbel left this earth. I was her friend through her r...

Here's a song I wrote about the many loved ones who left too soon by their own hand. The video is not great quality, but this was a recording session with the band EVERED (that I was in) for the song. We never finished it. Someday, maybe we will. In Your Prime Silently turn the engine over preparing for your ride Windows down, standing still, endless sleep Teddy bear, balled up in the back seat, Close your eyes, breathe the air, breathe in dirty air deep, so deep Remember your final thought before the blade sank deep? Long note found harsh words confess God gave you a second chance, and Lord knows you tried 10 years later said goodbye, bullet aimed for success, such duress Memory, a still life, a snapshot in time Lighting is perfect in your prime Lay it down, In your prime Lay it down, In your prime Enraged I was as you choked down those pills Shaking, I've become mean You glare right through me, blind by your depression Guilty, consent to have your g...

I don't read a lot - and it is kind of a joke in our house. Dennis didn't know me in my 20s. Back then, I was going through a LOT of soul searching, self awareness seeking, higher power investigation. I read a LOT of self help books when I was in my 20s. I've never really had an affinity for fiction, I'm much more of a non-fiction girl. I want to read about things that I will learn from, like historical biographies, true stories of success, self help or motivational books. When I was in my 20s, I had a friend who turned me on to a book called Many Lives, Many Masters. Her name was LIa VanAbel. Lia was the reason I read this book - she convinced me that it would change my perceptions. This book literally changed my life. The description of the book: As a traditional psychotherapist, Dr. Brian Weiss was astonnished and skpetical when one of his patients began recalling past-life traumas that seemed to hold the key to her recuurrring nibhtmares and anxiety attack...

Helen Williams was born in Hastings, Iowa on January 10, 1927, the daughter of Orval and Maud Booher. She was Dennis' mother. I could not have asked for a more wonderful mother-in-law. I only wish that she was on this earth longer so that I could have cultivated my relationship with her. And I wish my family could have gotten to know her better - specifically my mother. I know they would have been lifelong friends had Dennis and I met earlier. Helen was married to the late Walter (Red) Williams for 50 years. I never met him, but he was a plumber who loved his beer and she was a very independent strong woman who kept the family of 6 in check every step of the way, even if he was not there to help. She loved him and had 5 children with him: Joyce , Sandy, Dennis, Laura and Tim. She had 11 grandchildren and 8 great-grandchildren at the time of her death. What an incredible legacy to leave behind! She beat breast cancer early on when I met her. Unfortunately cancer came bac...

When I met Dennis, and he was in the middle of the divorce, not only did the kids get displaced, but the family pets did too. He ended up with Smeagol, in the apartment, but the rest of the animals were back at the family home in Tucker. One day we went back over to Tucker to check on the house after everyone had moved out. We found Zelda there, the family dog. She was thin and definitely needed food, and she nipped at me - which Dennis said was unlike her. I didn't know her well enough to know. It was clear we could not leave her there - she would perish. Zelda was a German Shepherd mix, but we think there was a little chow in there because she had a black tongue. She was named as a puppy after the famous game the Legend of Zelda, which the kids were into at the time that they got her. She was a beautiful dog, and for the most part very sweet and loving. Which was why when she nipped at me, this was odd. Dennis brought her back to the apartment, which we thought would ...

Not long after my Uncle Bert passed, his wife, my aunt Dawn passed away. Aunt Dawn had 5 kids - all equally as sassy and smart as she was - and she was an AWESOME Mother and Aunt. She was perfect as a matriarch - she held it together for the family and kept them all in line! I will tell you that the one thing that I feel impacted me the most about Dawn is the same thing I get from my mom. It is a sense of strength as a woman, taking charge, keeping things in control. She was sure of herself, direct and didn't take crap from anyone. She'd let you have it. I get this ability from her honest! I wouldn't trade it for the world either. Just because you are direct does not mean you are a mean person - although many people (especially in the south) see it this way. They don't know what to do with this. I would rather someone be direct with me and tell me the truth rather than having to weed through the lack of clarity of someone beating around the bush. Life is ...

How do I sum up Aunt Mary? Aunt Mary or “Mamie” as we all called her was my grandmother Wilna’s older sister. When Nana passed away, Aunt Mamie became our surrogate grandmother - she welcomed our family with open arms when we would come down to visit. She never had kids. But we were ALL her children. She was a cantankerous woman in her old age who was no nonsense. She was matter of fact, direct and did not beat around the bush. She was the oldest of all the siblings of my grandmother's generation. Aunt Mary LOVED her garden. I swear when I’m out in the yard, Aunt Mary is out there with me guiding me (along with MOM). She was a golfer - and I remember her going out golfing with us in her 80s - which blew my mind. She was always up for a challenge!   Aunt Mary left us all a little piece of her things when she passed on. I have a pair of king and queen chairs with a marble table. She allowed us to tell her what in her house we would like after she was gone. When Christ...

Aunt Bec -or ‘Rebecca” was sister to Aunt Mary, and also my grandmother Wilna. She was probably the most prim and proper of the three. Her husband was the Mayor of Athens, Alabama at one point. She was the eldest woman of the Alabama family that kept everyone in check. She was a southern baptist to the core and was very rooted in the church, and not just because her son was a baptist preacher. She was by nature very sweet. She lived a few blocks down from Nana on South Houston Street and a couple blocks up from Aunt Mary. I still have irises in my yard that have traveled from Oakhurst to Tucker to Oakridge with me. These Irises were on her street, and I will pass as many of them on to my bonus kids as possible. This house was the house all the siblings grew up in. It had been in the family a long time. Now George Allen and Patsy live in it. They will likely pass it on to their kids. Aunt Bec and I were polar opposites as far as our personalities, what we stood for and who ...

I never got to meet my paternal grandmother Ethel White. She passed away a few years before I was born. She was a classic beauty. My dad always told me what a lovely woman she was. She was as beautiful inside as she was out. When Harry left her, he left Dad and Uncle Bert to take care of her and they did until she passed away of an enlarged heart. I am sad that I never got to meet her, but she did an awesome job raising two fine men that raised GREAT families of their own. She was a great testament to perseverence in hard times. Though I never met her, the example she set made a big impression on me and how I handle myself when up against the odds.

I did not know either of my grandfathers. My mother's father, John D. Poteete worked for Ford Motor Company in Detroit. He took Nana away from Alabama to the motor city in search of work for the automobile industry in the 40s. Unfortunately, he liked to gamble at the Hazel Park Racetrack, and most weeks would blow his entire paycheck and drink himself silly. Nana basiically kept the family financially afloat, working during the days leaving Mom and Uncle Johnny to take care of themselves. Sometimes John D. would come home so drunk, mom would have to peel him out of the bushes and put him to bed.  Think about your childhood and compare it to that.  Mom grew up on 5 Mile road, an area of Detroit that is now not super desireable to live in. Nana eventually left him and went back to Alabama, but never divorced him as divorce was not an option in the 50s. It was frowned upon.  You could separate, but not divorce.  They remained married until he passed away on a bus i...

Most of you know that I HATE Valentine's day. Besides being a Hallmark Holiday pretty much created to sell cards, candy and flowers - it is completely overrated. The real reason I hate Valentine's day is that I've been engaged 3 times. The first two persons that I was engaged to both broke up with me on Valentine's day. It is not a day that I look forward to. I can say this had a big impact on me, and not in a positive way.   That said, I have found my perfect valentine in Dennis - he is amazing in every way and has my heart forever! He knows how much I do not like this day.   Dennis treats me nice all 365 days of the year , not just one. And this, my friends is the true meaning of a valentine.

When I was 19, I worked with a beautiful girl named Lisa Gunn. We were lifeguards together for my first summer back from college and we worked almost every day together. We went to separate high schools, and different colleges but we got along great. I went to USC and her to Michigan State. She was a daughter, a sister and a great friend. Lisa was the kind of person that you wished you could be like because she was popular, well liked and she was amazing at everything. She was incredible at almost any sport. On top of this, Lisa was an academic whiz. Class Valedictorian, her grades were all As in high school, and she didn't drink or do drugs. She pretty much was perfect and on track to have an incredible life. But the pressure of everything had gotten to her. She had a close call her freshman year in college and was almost successful at taking her own life. She could not function, however everyone within her close sphere - family and friends - were not able to see the ...

I just finished binge watching 13 Reasons Why on Netflix. Why am I writing about this? Because Suicide has had a HUGE impact on my life since I was roughly 20 when my first friend took her own life. Since 1985, at least 5 of my friends and family members have done the same. Many others have attempted, and not been successful, thankfully. 13 reasons why is about Hannah, a young woman takes her own life. Two weeks after her tragic death, a classmate named Clay finds a mysterious box on his porch. Inside the box are recordings made by Hannah -- on whom Clay had a crush -- in which she explains the 13 reasons why she chose to commit suicide. If Clay decides to listen to the recordings, he will find out if and how he made the list. The intricate and heart-wrenching tale is told through Clay and Hannah's dual narratives. To say this show hit home would be an understatement. It touched me on multiple levels. I believe it is something that every parent should consider watching wit...

I am behind on Posts!  One impact a day is killing me - its not as easy as you think. Probably the biggest impact on my life that is not a person, place or situation is MUSIC. Music in all forms - vocal and instrumental, but most of all the lyrics. Music can completely change your mood from good to bad (a memory of a time or place that was less than optimal in your life, like at the time of a breakup) or it can totally energize you (like a playlist for exercise), or it can bring back good memories like a wedding, a childhood memory tied to a song. Music can provide background emphasis to something you are doing like the arts, or sleeping, or partying, or just riding in the car. I like all kinds of music - probably because I grew up singing in choirs - and we always sang a wide range of songs. I enjoy classical music - especially when I am doing something that requires my attention doing it - like painting or welding or doing anything artistic. I love Jazz - it's improvisatio...

Do you ever have people tell you that you look like someone they know? This happens to me all the time. It used to happen to me a lot more when I was younger but now that I'm older it does not happen as often. It is kind of fun to think you have someone that you look like. When I was little, I was told that I looked just like Laura Ingalls Wilder from Little House on the Prairie. And I did. I totally identified with her character too. I was pretty much the happy-go-lucky, semi-naive kid that stuck up for the underdog and took on the evil Nelly Olsen types.   Later on in my 20's the Judds were all the rage and I got told constantly that I looked like Wynonna Judd. So much so that one time in the 90s, when I had on all black, including cowboy boots coming out of a Starbucks a guy stopped me and swore I was Wynonna. By far this was the most hilarious doppelganger sighting I've ever encountered because the guy wanted my autograph. I just had to walk away. I swear it...

My dad's brother [UNCLE] Bert passed on a few years ago. Uncle Bert and my father were thick as thieves when they were little boys. They were always getting into trouble. My dad was always trying to keep up with bert given his hip issues. I have awesome pix of Uncle Bert and Dad as kids. Uncle Bert was a smart arse so to speak - he was always cracking on everyone. As grown ups, Dad and Uncle Bert were not as close but did keep up with one another on the phone being that they were 1000 miles from each other. I will say that Uncle Bert made the BEST Christmas cards every year when his kids were young. He was a commercial artist (what they used to call graphic designers back in the day) for IGA in NY State. We used to drive all the way through Canada from Detroit to go visit them in Lafayette NY. Always in the Summers. Summers in up state NY are the most beautiful non humid, verdant days on the planet. Uncle Bert had a house out on land that seemed endless. Whe...

The first major death in my life was my maternal Grandmother, Wilna Poteete. This was the first time I dealt with the emotion of grief. Nana literally was my world when I was a little girl. Our lives revolved around her coming to visit or us going to visit her. When she fell ill, I was a Junior in High School. The reason I remember this is that she was able to come to Christy's high school graduation, but she was not alive for mine. This was devastating to me. When Nana got sick, Mom had to leave us with Dad and go to Alabama to take care of her for a few months. She had heart disease and had had a heart attack. While Mom was gone, Christy was in her first year of College at Wayne State University in Detroit, so she was gone all day. Dad worked from 5am to 6pm down at Highland Park for Chrysler. Needless to say, I had a lot of time on my hands to think. Sure I had a lot of after school activities, but I was by myself a lot. One of my "chores" was to cook dinne...

I've struggled with my weight my entire life.  There may have been that stretch in high school where I was the thinnest I've ever been...but for the most part, I lived on a diet of one kind or another.  Cabbage diet, the all banana diet, fit for life, counting points, counting calories, Salads for every meal.  You name it, I've been on it.  One of the biggest impacts on my life was being diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes 5 years ago.  I was in denial for one year after being diagnosed.  I basically did not believe this was happening to me.  My numbers were all out of whack.  It was not until my doctor threatened to put me on insulin that I finally said ENOUGH!  Sugar is evil.  I went on a diabetic diet, lost 60 pounds, and low and behold many of my ailments disappeared, but best of all, my numbers came back inline with the norm.  I know we all see things out there for Whole 30, Plant based diets, High Protein diets, you name it.  ...

In the half century that I've been alive, I have only been to two funerals that had over 100 people there. Big Ken's funeral was one of them. His grandkids called him Grandy. He certainly was a grand man - standing 6'4" he was a big man but gentle by nature. He was quiet, not a big talker, but when he did talk, it was insightful, and ususally made YOU think, sometimes for hours after you had spoken with him. I called him Uncle, but he was really my cousin by marriage. He touched the lives of so many people - and it was amazing to see just how many in the church that day we were all paying our respects. Words that describe Big Ken are humble, honorable, devoted to God, teacher, coach, mentor - the example he set is hard to emulate, but I try daily. Big Ken made you think about your life choices and why you were making them. He would offer advice, but it was never judgemental. Big Ken was an icon who made a big impression on my life.   He loved his garden too! ...

Have you traveled on public transportation lately? 90% of the people on it are glued to their smart phones. While driving in this morning, I caught roughly 10 people playing with their smart phones while in traffic. NPR just had a package on about a guy who had his own startup for technology innovation, then Google bought his company, so he went from being his own boss to working for the "man". He lasted about a year. I didn't catch the guy's name, but he had studied in college to use technology to better your life, not hinder or hijack it. He likened it to a bicycle for your mind. And then, working for Google and saw first hand how corporations are creating the new addiction - it's not alcohol or pot, or gambling - it is being tethered to your smart phone or tablet. People are addicted to check the latest tweet, or how many likes you got on facebook or worse, all those targeted ads you are being served up by Amazon, or Google because you did a search on ...