365 Days of Impacts

When I was a freshman in High School, I went to music camp in Madison Wisconsin. This was the first time in my life I had ever been on a plane. I was 14. Prior to this, my family traveled everywhere by car. This was also the first time I had gone away from home for camp - for longer than a couple nights. We stayed in dorms on the campus of the University of Wisconsin. At the end of it, Mom came to hear the recitals. For some reason, I feel like Mommy K was also there - but I went to so many singing competitions I could be getting my memories crossed. I took piano lessons and sang in multiple choirs at the camp. The impact of this on my life was that I knew that I was destined to travel, loved culture, meeting new people and experiencing new cities - but most of all, I LOVE choral and gospel music. There is nothing like it. This was the only camp I ever went to. As you know I sucked at sports, so this was my version of soccer or lacrosse camp. While at camp I also saw the A...

CVHS.  Chippewa Valley High School.  These years built the foundation of my character.  Not only did I try to follow in my sisters footsteps by trying out for and getting cut from just about every sport- I just kept trying to no avail.  I was involved in student government, NHS, DAR, choir, art, theater.  I was a cheerleader, class Vice President instigator and activist!  You name it, I did it.  It was fun to me.  When I ran for office, I wore a sandwich board that had a giant nose with a finger up it.  My headline was "PICK THE BEST"  Debbie White for senior class vice president.  And yes, Freaks and Geeks was written about my High School.  By senior year I knew most everyone in the school.  Jocks, Freaks and Geeks.  Both my sister and I were voted homecoming queen - not because we were popular- but because we knew and treated everyone with respect.  From Freshman to Senior - This doesn't happen in HS. Becaus...

So, my company got sold today.  This is the 4th time in my life that I have experienced a buyout of the company I work for.  Hifi Buys, Crescent Communications, IBM buying Weather.com and Entertainment Studios buying The Weather Group.  The impact I have here I actually got from 1997, HiFi Buys.  In the case of HFB, the company we were sold to nixed their advertising department and defaulted to ours because we had the better infrastructure/digital cameras/team knowledge.  I felt so bad for their team in Boston.  There were only 3 of them, but they were human beings - and I just felt so bad about it.  As Director, I had to go up and pack up their macs in Boston and ship back down to the ATL.  Less than a year later, my team of 6 was on the chopping block.  The company that bought us, Tweeter, had bought quite a few more mom and pop electronics firms around the country, and decided to move their whole operation back up to Bos...

One of the movies that mage a huge impact on my life was Harold and Maude. If you've never seen it, it puts the Quirk in Quirkiness. But for some reason it really struck me when I saw it in my early 20s. The storyline is about Nineteen-year-old Harold Chasen who is obsessed with death. He fakes suicides to shock his self-obsessed mother, drives a customized Jaguar hearse, and attends funerals of complete strangers. Seventy-nine-year-old Maude Chardin, on the other hand, adores life. She liberates trees from city sidewalks and transplants them to the forest, paints smiles on the faces of church statues, and “borrows” cars to remind their owners that life is fleeting—here today, gone tomorrow! A chance meeting between the two turns into a madcap, whirlwind romance, and Harold learns that life is worth living. As you can imagine, I totally identify with Maude, but at the time I was 20. I also always felt at that time like I would not find my soulmate. The concept of being almost...

One of the personality disorders that I have experienced multiple times in my life is Borderline Personality. People with borderline personality disorder tend to view things in extremes, such as all good or all bad. Their opinions of other people can also change quickly. An individual who is seen as a friend one day may be considered an enemy or traitor the next. These shifting feelings can lead to intense and unstable relationships. Signs or symptoms may include: Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating. Efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, such as rapidly initiating intimate (physical or emotional) relationships or cutting off communication with someone in anticipation of being abandoned A pattern of intense and unstable relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often swinging from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation) Disto...

The first real pet I ever had was Finnegan.  I think I was 15.  He was an awesome pet, especially for someone who would later go on to be Asthmatic.  Finnegan was a budgie, or some people call them parakeets. He would come out of his cage and sit on my finger.  What a great little guy he was!  He might take flight, but like his cousin the homing pigeon, he always came back to the finger.  The impact Finnegan had on my life was that he literally was the first pet I ever had responsibility to take care of fully and I did a horrible job.  Sure we had fish, Turtles and hamsters.  But Finnegan was the first pet I ever had that I was responsible for.  The impact is that I took his life.  It was Christy's high school graduation, and he was a little chirpy in the mornings (like most birds).  Half of my Alabama family had come up for Christy's graduation including Nana who had taken my bedroom.  So, Finnegan and his cage went to the b...

Since college, I have had one friend that embodies St. Patricks day, and that is JILL MILLER.  Jill was the trainer for the GAMECOCKs for the 4 years I was at school and I knew many a football player through her.  These included dudes like Chief (he was the Center I think - like 325, 6'4"totally american indian), or Sterling Sharpe, or my favorite, Jo Mo.  So many funny stories at Twilight for 50 cent pitcher night, or Group.  I met her through who else, Susan Appleby.  Jill was super crazy in College, but I didn't really get to know her until after graduation and she moved to Tybee Island, GA.  Many a year spend going to River Street for Green beers in our 20s, 15 of us sleeping on the floor in wall to wall air mattresses in her studio apartment, or in her parents sunroom back to back to back sleeping bags.  We'd get up at 6am to get a good spot in one of the squares in Savannah to watch the parade, then end up down on River Street dancing with Jack! ...

I am a firm believer of just coming out with news that you think is not going to be well received. JUST COME OUT WITH IT! The stress lies in concealing whatever 'it' is. If you don't put it out there, then it festers and you have no idea where you stand with that person or set of people.   So one of the sets of letters that I wrote were to my family, my mother and my father. This all happened when I was roughly 26 years old, engaged the second time in my life to Charles. Charles was black. That is not what makes the story so compelling. It was the early 90s, and interracial dating was much more widely accepted than in the 60s and 70s. But as we all know, there are still challenges in society, especially in the deep south. What was compelling about the story was the struggle I was going through emotionally with my mom, dad and family about the fact that he was black. When I dated and was engaged to Darius, I believe my mom just thought that was a phase I was goin...

So I mentioned in an earlier post that I had been to AA and Al Anon. And that was a true statement, however my real experience with the 12 steps was through EA. Emotions Anonymous. I bet you are saying to yourself, no such thing. Google it - the list of anonymous programs is extensive. Everything from Alcohol, Narcotics, Sex, work, gambling, eating disorders, cutting, co-dependence, etc. Don't knock it until you try it. Emotions Anonymous saved my life. I was 24 years old, just out of college, and completely out of my head from my relationship in college with that certain person who shall remain unnamed but you all know who he was. I sought out EA because I could not afford therapy at the time. I was making $14,000 a year, but I needed help. Someone who was in OA told me about EA. EA was that help for me. I did not have a grip on my emotions at all. So, I started the journey that would change my life, and also be a running thread to so many other friends and family m...

In my life I have been to therapy 6 different times - in every decade of my life (except the 50s but it's early!). I would go back in a heartbeat if I thought I needed it anytime. In the 80s, I knew many people who looked down upon this, as being weak or as an embarrassment. I would never lie about it or keep it a secret. I know many people who would never go to a clinical psychiatrist or psychologist, only a pastor or someone from recovery in a church. I know many people who think they can "work it out on their own" and basically do nothing but stuff the feelings even deeper, making them ever harder to dig out if they heaven forbid could ever get to that low point. I know many people who think it is stupid to turn the mirror around and take a look at yourself for YOUR part in circumstances, for your weaknesses and character flaws for fear they won't like what they see. I also know many people who are career patients who never seem to get better, lie to the do...

Google ' perception is reality rolling stone' . What comes up is an ad campaign that I studied when I was in college. I was an ad major. This Rolling Stone Magazine ad campaign was the quintessential ad campaign of it's era. You could argue that he Absolut Vodka ads were up there too. Perception is how our minds trick us with persuasiveness. It hit me hard back then. The irony in it. The humor in it. Now, 3 decades later, I see 'perception is reality' and all the nuances that it's trickery has played on me my whole life. Now I can recognize it fast, stop it's devilishness and straighten my thoughts out quickly, but it did not happen overnight. Perception is the organization, identification, and interpretation of sensory information in order to represent and understand the environment. Perception is how we interpret what is going on outside of ourselves. It’s the conclusions we jump to when we try to analyze events, circumstances, and the presentat...

I am a workaholic.   This has had a huge impact on my life and not in a positive way.  This is my form of addiction.  While there are many reasons that people work themselves into a ditch, mine all stem around avoidance of some form.  A  workaholic  is a person who works  compulsively - w hile the term generally implies that the person enjoys their work, it can also alternately imply that they simply feel compelled to do it. I firmly believe why Dennis and I work so well together is that we are both workaholics.  The good that has come of it is that I am living in the nicest house I probably ever will in my life, I have everything I want in life - truly - except life balance. This is something that has eluded me since I entered the workforce.  The closest I come is vacation.  But in the last few years, I find myself checking my smartphone, to make sure things are going OK.  This is not life balance.  In my life...

In middle school, my first cousin Kent came to live with us temporarily.  I was in 6th grade.  Kent came from Washington DC, was taken away from his friends and made to live with us in Charter Oaks.  He lived in our basement.  If you have ever been to Charter Oaks, you know the basement was not huge, but it was his domain.  Thank goodness he had his own space.   I was fascinated by Kent.  One of his chores was to take the garbage out to the dumpster.  He would use this as an excuse to light up and smoke cigarettes as he walked down the front of all the townhouses, and then make a 90 degree angle cut over to the dumpsters.  He would stay down there until he was almost done with the butt and then come back to the house.  I used to watch him out the window in my room on the second floor in the front of the house. I had not known Kent before this, from nothing more than holiday visits.  He was the polar opposite of Christy and I - we fo...

So in High School, from ages 12-17, I took voice lessons.  My vocal coach was Mrs Mary Ellen Klerkx Sands King.  To me, she was Mommie K.  Every week, I would go to her house in Fox Chase, with my book of Italian Arias, German and French songs and attempt to sing these incredibly hard songs in prep for voice competition.  Listen to this song - Amarilli Mia Bella - it was one of my songs.  It was not easy.  Look, it's a cakewalk to sing rock and roll.  Try singing Ave Maria in a church with just you and a harp, or worse, a cappella with no instrument to hide the imperfections in your voice.  She taught me how to form vowels and hold high notes with power.  You may laugh, but this is like a football player making fun of Yoga - this takes practice and is WAY HARDER than it looks.  She taught me how to sing correctly, use my diaphragm and basically is the entire reason I can sing as well as I do today.   Mommy K was also in local theat...

When I was in middle school, this is where I really started to thrive in choir. I knew I could sing from an early age, but this is where I really got into choir. So, the funniest story I have about singing in middle school is that we were doing a medley of numbers from Grease. We only had 4 boys in our choir. Sopranos and Altos numbered in the 10+ for each section. I had a 4 octave range. This is not normal, especially for a girl. I can't call dogs like Mariah Carey can, but I can sing with the baritones in a barbershop quartet. I mean, I can't sing Avi Kaplan Low , but I think I was a man in a former life with how low I can go. So, my choir teacher put me with the boys for the medley to help out their parts on Summer Nights 'A wella wella wella uhn, Tell me more, tell me more..." And my buddy Vince Galici (See the Punch) was Danny Zucko. For the most part I remained an alto until High School. The impact that Choir had on my life is really all about teamwork...

As happy go lucky as I am today, I struggled with anger issues in middle school. I had this friend, Rebecca Johnson - she lived in Charter Oaks early on in our friendship. Later they moved over off of Garfiled. Rebecca and I were really good friends in middle school. For the life of me I cannot remember why we got in a fight one day at school. I punched her. I got sent to the principal's office and they called mom to come get me. I was in big trouble. I remember crying, being made to apologize to her - in order to not get suspended. I can remember not wanting to apologize, but I can't remember if it was because I was embarrassed or because I didn't think I was unjustified in doing it. I don't even remember what my mom did or said to me after the incident. I just remember being ashamed and feeling guilty about this, even to this day. The impact here was that I learned that it is easy to get out of control, and you cannot let anger get the best of you. It do...

I went to Algonquin Middle School. You will notice the theme of all of my undergrad schools - they are Indian names, Algonquin , Iroquois, Chippewa. All of our schools were named after Tribes that hailed from the Northeaster portions of the US into Canada. Algonquin  Middle School was less than a mile from my house. I walked to school everyday, rain, sun, sleet, snow. Barefoot, uphill, both ways...just kidding. Algonquin was a great place to go to middle school and it is where I really started coming of age. Middle school was where I really started to figure out what my strengths and weaknesses were. Determining who I was going to be ultimately from a talent perspective - what I was good at both through high school and beyond. It was where I took Home Economics and sewed a chartruese terry cloth robe as a project. Middle School was where we had field day. Do you remember Field Day? Tug of war, relays, obstacle courses - the whole 9 yards. That was the best day of ...

In Catherine Ryan Hyde's book and the movie it is described as an obligation to do three good deeds for others in response to a good deed that one receives. Such good deeds should accomplish things that the other person cannot accomplish on their own. In this way, the practice of helping one another can spread geometrically through  society , at a ratio of three to one, creating a  social movement  with an impact of making the world a better place. I was completely struck by this movie.  I bawled at the ending, it seemed so wrong for the message the movie sends.  For some reason, this concept, which was not new at the time the movie became popular, was new to me.  I had taken a personality survey and came up as altruistic.  I didn't even know what the word meant.   Altruism  or  selflessness  is the principle or practice of concern for the  welfare  of others. I was totally blow away by this assessment.  I was going ...

Shame has had an impact on my life.  Shame is a message that says there's not just something wrong with what we did on any occasion, but with who we are.  We are talking about the seat of instincts,  gender , and our very sense of self.  It happens on all levels - from parents to peers to siblings to bosses to friends.  And it starts early on in our lives, by the people we look up to or respect on some level and actually trust with our feelings.  It affects us deeply, and most of the time we don't know what is happening until it is over.  It can leave you feeling worthless, empty, angry, ashamed, embarrassed, or just plain confused.  As we grow into adulthood, it gets easier to be aware of, and call it out to the person doing it to you. Unfortunately, some people never get this far. For example, little boys cut down other little boys sense of rank or status - to win against him, defeat him, and in so doing, to limit his social permission to fur...

We all have family dysfunction. Some families have more FUN in dysFUNction than others. I personally know many people who have families that could qualify for an episode of Jerry Springer. I myself have lived through some Jerry Springer moments in many different factions of my family. We all do. You know it's bad when your friends say 'Girl - you can't make this stuff up!' But let me say, if you ever want to check yourself before you wreck yourself- you need to watch the show SHAMELESS. You will feel better about your family immediately.   If you think your dad is an alcoholic deadbeat dad that is abusive, you have no idea how bad it could really be - you definitely need to watch this show. If you have a daughter that you think is a thankless, ungrateful nymphomaniac, you need to watch this show. If you have a son or daughter who may be struggling with his/her sexuality, you need to watch this show. If you have a son who you fear is going to get a girl pregn...

Father - Daughter dance at my Wedding! March 4th is my Dad's birthday and I am so thankful for the memories I have with him over the 52 years I've known him.  In the mid 70s, I was a tween and my dad taught me how to jitterbug.  He taught both me and Christy.  He and mom used to jitterbug all the time early on in their relationship.  Dad LOVED to dance.  It was in his blood.  And I LOVED to dance with him.  He could just feel the beat of the music and it made him want to get up and dance.  Dancing the jitterbug with Dad is one of the happiest memories I have of my father.  I swear if he could walk today he would be up dancing with me.  Learning the jitterbug was the first time in my life my dad had taught me something that I would end up enjoying the rest of my life.  I loved it!  It really taught you how to follow a lead and made you work together in lock step to make partner dancing look easy. The jitterbug was the ...

Roughly 10 years ago, my bonus son Brad was a Marine fighting for our country in Afghanistan. Shortly thereafter, he came home to be stationed in NOLA, and he had a girlfriend. We were all like What?!?!?! While over there, he met back up with an old flame from middle school - Valentina Guzman on Facebook. See?!?! Facebook is good for some things. Val is from Venezuela, she speaks spanish and German - I believe her and Brad had German class together. As they went thru high school, they ran with different crowds. But Val always carried a torch for Brad. He ended up back on US soil stationed in NOLA and they carried on a long distance relationship. The entire time he was in the marines, she was at UGA in the Pharmacy school. Val is a GA DAWG 100%. She got her PhD in pharmacy and we affectionately call her Dr. V. She is from Venezuela, but she has lived in the US since she was like 7.   Valentina also has an alter ego - Valencia. Valencia comes out only when she has had one ...

Eating Disorders.  Bulimia, Anorexia, overeating, stress eating.  I mentioned that I struggled with my weight my entire life.  Part of that struggle is binge eating. I have never been bulimic, but I will say that I have a problem with binge eating.  I will eat what I want, and then I spend days/weeks afterwards trying to right what I have done wrong.  I have a particular problem with apple fritters, Cherry Garcia and Monster Drinks.  At least I've resorted to the Zero Sugar Monster drinks.  It could be worse.  I am so tired of being overweight.  And it is all up to me.  I eat because I am stressed.  I am stressed because of work, the pressures of life in general.  I have many friends and family who struggle with the same thing.  Due to the same pressures in their lives. I control what I put in my mouth, or not put in my mouth.  I have seen the effects of eating disorders first hand on many of my loved ones.  Ag...

Since we are talking addicition, probably the most impactful addiction on my life has been alcoholism. In 2018, the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA), more than 80,000 people die from alcohol-related deaths each year in the United States. And alcohol continues to be one of the nation’s most preventable causes of death, second only to tobacco and a poor diet/sedentary lifestyle. Alcoholism has a profound effect on the entire body, especially the brain, heart, pancreas, mouth, liver and immune system. In spite of its negative impact, more Americans than ever before consume alcohol on a regular basis. As you have read in previous blog entries, both of my grandfathers had issues with alcohol. This is something that I have taken in and lived with.   Many of my family members suffer with this on many levels. I have attended AA, Al Anon, learned the 12 steps, met sponsors, chips, the whole 9 yards. I have learned to love my family members through this. ...