12 Steps

So I mentioned in an earlier post that I had been to AA and Al Anon. And that was a true statement, however my real experience with the 12 steps was through EA. Emotions Anonymous. I bet you are saying to yourself, no such thing. Google it - the list of anonymous programs is extensive. Everything from Alcohol, Narcotics, Sex, work, gambling, eating disorders, cutting, co-dependence, etc. Don't knock it until you try it. Emotions Anonymous saved my life. I was 24 years old, just out of college, and completely out of my head from my relationship in college with that certain person who shall remain unnamed but you all know who he was. I sought out EA because I could not afford therapy at the time. I was making $14,000 a year, but I needed help. Someone who was in OA told me about EA. EA was that help for me. I did not have a grip on my emotions at all. So, I started the journey that would change my life, and also be a running thread to so many other friends and family members lives with addictions, depression or eating disorders. I admitted I was powerless over my emotions and I came to know my higher power. A higher power that I still have a relationship with today. I worked the program until my life was back on track. My life has never been this off track again.  
The biggest step that changed my world was step 4 - make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. People should be made to do this in high school as an assignment - if you truly do it, you figure out just what your triggers are, who hits them, how to recognize them sooner. This inventory provides the baseline by which you can compare to for the rest of your life. It is where you stop blaming others for your actions, turn the mirror around and take a long, hard DEEP look at yourself. It's not about admonishment - it is about enlightenment and being a better person. No matter how perfect you think you are, there is still room for more tweaking. I like to do it about every 10 years and look back, and see how I've progressed. In some decades I did it much more frequently. The next steps that really were agents of change for my life was steps 8 and 9. This is where you make a list of persons you have harmed, or vice versa, and make amends to them. The way I do this is through letters. These letters have been the basis for bringing issues to the surface, getting them out and moving on for both parties. I could not move on without this in my life. I usually stay stuck until I do it. Sometimes I give these letters to the persons I write them for, sometimes I don't - they are merely meant for me to figure out why I am stuck. If you have ever gotten one of these letters from me, you know what I am talking about. If you have not, then consider yourself lucky - because they are usually the messy side of life that no one wants to deal with, but they usually take the relationship to a new level. You can't be afraid to say the things that need to be said - this keeps so many people crippled in their relationships. Many people do not believe in anonymous programs. And to them I say don't knock it until you try it. And if you tried it and didn't like it, that is no reason to give up until you find something that works for you.