The Sweet of Bittersweet
I have always loved and respected my Uncle Johnny. I knew my Uncle as a Airforce war veteran, of the Vietnam war - and in his later years as a servant to the government working at the Pentagon. He also was a professor teaching at Calhoun College in Alabama. He had his PhD. He was a hero in my eyes. While he was serious most of the time, he would bring us AWESOME gifts from abroad, colorful dolls, exotic things and a sense of wonderment of other worlds. In is later years, I knew him as a loving son to my grandmother, Nana. He was a loving brother to my mother, a loving husband to Winnie, and most of all, a loving father and grandfather to his kids/grandkids. He could be hardcore, but he was always a great provider and supportive even in the bad times. He ALWAYS remembered my birthday, with the most beautiful cards. And I never remembered his, but it wasn't about that for him. I see so much of him in my cousin Kent. He cared about me to his last day on earth, and I always felt Uncle Johnny's love. I miss him tremendously. My greatest memory of him was when he came to my Halloween Wedding and participated by wearing a cowboy hat. The serious war hero still had a little playful spirit inside there! For so many years, I knew my Uncle Johnny through only how his tumultuous his relationship with his wife Winnie was. In later years, I experienced this tumultuousness of Winnie personally myself. In Winnie's death, and learning more about her, I can now see why my Uncle loved her so much (for better, for worse). Instead of being angry at her for so many reasons, I am chosing to let that go - now that they are both gone. And what a relief it is to let the burden of carrying that go. When Uncle Johnny passed, I had nothing but disdain for my Aunt Winnie. I swore I would never talk to her again. I did not wish her ill will, I just wanted nothing to do with her. This was not healthy, and it is time to let that go. So many of us carry the burdens of things and never resolve issues before someone dies and the chance is gone to resolve it. They both carried their own baggage, and it was not mine to carry. It is on me now to set that down, learn from it, grow from it, and remember the positive about them both and move on. I love you Uncle Johnny and miss you dearly.
