Its more hard to love than it is to hate.

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Chances are that if you grew up from the 80s and on, you are influenced by Divorce. Most of the time this is a negative influence. Divorce takes the norm and blows it apart. It ruins trust not only with the parents, but the kids, friends. It devastates the finances of the family and usually one of the parents is strapped having to pay the bulk of child support. Houses get foreclosed on, and forget living paycheck to paycheck. Sometimes parents have to get multiple jobs to make ends meet. Many file bankruptcy. Kids are suddenly split into 50/50 visitation (if they're lucky) or sometimes they don't get to see one of the parents at all. Many parents are thrown into being the single parent. Many parents let the nastiness that was their marriage bleed over and affect their kids no matter how hard they try. Kids become bargaining chips. They are used against the other parent. One parent trash talks the other, it gets nasty. NO ONE WINS. I have not been in a divorce, but I have been affected by it my whole life. Most of my HS friends were from single-parent homes, ususally their mother was raising them, and there were weekends when they weren't around to play because they were with "their dad". Then in my 20s and 30s I witnessed many of my friends/family members go through their own divorces. I also knew many couples that probably should have gotten divorced. And then, in my 40s I married a divorced man with 3 teenage kids. Talk about being thrust into it head first. After all of this experience, the one piece of advice that I can give kids is this: Look at your parent through YOUR eyes. ASK them about the divorce, why it happened - even if you think you understand it, you probably don't. Parents are good at hiding things. Sometimes it is better to do this later in life after all the dust has settled. If you are looking at your parent through the other parent's lense, you are likely judging them on things that are not for you to judge. Give each parent the benefit of the doubt until you have talked to each of them. Draw your own conclusions, don't let their conclusion be yours. You never know what you will miss out on by taking sides. It is unfair for either parent to make you choose, this is bad parenting. And the biggest piece of advice - DON'T HOLD GRUDGES. Forgiveness, even for things that were not done TO you is the best path to peace of mind.

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